alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
