people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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