I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
