I think i sorta joined a cult last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
