You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
