I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
