she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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