I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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