If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
