your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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