So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
