apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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