they said they heard you say put it in my butt
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
