Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
