my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize