Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
