Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize