Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
