i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this just has baby written all over it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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