So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
