the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
