I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
