i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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