3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
