i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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