i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck appropriateness.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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