ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
