Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
