I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
