do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
