You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
