had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I deserve this hangover.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
