4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
