you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
