lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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