new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
