My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
