3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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