You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
