I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
