i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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