I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
