Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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