well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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