tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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