Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
