scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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