areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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