Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
