Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
