You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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