Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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