So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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