I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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