we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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