Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
