This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
