If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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