I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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