the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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