Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
