oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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