Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
