Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
