omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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