Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
