I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
