can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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