How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
